As you may have read, this Social Media nonsense has really passed me by. I have no interest in what Debbie had for dinner or what Fred filled his Friday night doing.

I’m interested in me, my friends, my family and loved ones, all of whom I’m constantly in contact with through that wonderous invention: the telephone. In fact, I even spend time with them! 

Anyway, to quell any frustration from Blogger (her indoors) I am going to start posting a weekly blog – if fun doesn’t get in the way. It may not relate to Blogger’s posts, as she’s said, our interests tend to differ and I’ll be shocked if this is posted un-edited* but we’ll see…

Followers of The Country Girl Bible will ‘know’ I am a man of few words – this isn’t completely true, I have many words but, due to being old and wise plus a few black-eyes, I choose to leave the words in my head. Other peoples opinions count for nada, zip, nothing, fuck all. 

The countryside…Bloggers first post let you all know I am approaching my sixth month anniversary living as a country bumpkin following the previous 40 odd years as a seaside loving townie. Generally it’s OK, being with my soulmate makes it all worthwhile but blimey guvnor what a culture change! If one word can really sum up my new surroundings then it’s ‘inconvenience’. Gone are the days of popping to the shop without a military planned outing, gone is the friendly man adorned with silver cartons of take-away loveliness turning up at my door, gone is the hustle and bustle of town living and gone are the leisurely walks along the beach. 

Now, the walking point is something the Blogger bears a grudge with. After receiving ‘hiking’ boots for Christmas they remain unworn and sitting in their box. Blogger has a desperation for me to get out and hike around the countryside. My response: What’s the point?!? (You’ll hear that phrase a lot). One field becomes another, one tree can easily be passed as the tree I just saw, oooh exciting, a cow, wow another one and on and on we go. You get the point. The countryside is the same wherever you go. Now, compare that to an ever changing vista of coastal areas and you may understand. Basically, I’m not a hiking boot guy, much prefer a pair of flip flops!!

Blogger seems to have laid into cyclists a little in her last post, I don’t entirely agree with her thoughts. Anyone willing to wear the skin tight, butt hugging, ball bulging outfit that is Lycra, I doff my cap, just as I would to Bowie as Ziggy Stardust or even The King, Presley, whose jumpsuits were a thing of utter wonder. I do look at overweight cyclists or dumpy joggers and inside my devil is thinking ‘good God what are they doing?’, however, fast forward to mature me and my angelic side is thinking ‘good on ’em, well done, you can do it’.

Moving on – last weekend was a close friends’ stag weekend, now when did the traditional stag night (eve of wedding) become the long drawn-out drink till dawn affair? Seventeen of us, drinking, singing, dancing, shouting, wrestling (yes, wrestling and yes we’re all 40+) and generally having a good time. We have all spent this week sharing photos on our Whatsapp Group, reminding each other of tipsy forgotten moments and do you know what the outcome of all this was? We’ve all agreed we’re too old for this!! But, lads being lads, (do we ever grow up?) we are now planning for the next stag event in September. The answer to my question is clear – NO WE DON’T. 

Goodbye to you all for now, have a good week and stay safe and, most importantly of all, have fun, life is too short. If I receive more than 5 likes this week I will return, if I don’t…I will probably return anyway, as I said: others’ opinions count for nothing. I’m going to finish my weekly post with ‘three things I’ve learnt during the week’, at least I’ve shared something useful that you may use in the pub debates;

1. Men don’t grow up

2. Human flesh smells of beef or pork depending on your cooking method

3. The (can’t remember which) monkey is more likely to rodger you to death than physically beat you to death. 


*Note from Blogger – no I didn’t edit it…and next week you can type it up yourself 🖕🏻❤️