Good morning all and welcome to the first post for Blogger and Blagger! Thanks for taking the time out of your Sunday morning to visit us, we hope you enjoy what we have to offer. 

Right! Newsreader-esk, fluffy-bunny-hugs bollocks done, today’s task: let’s set the scene for this blog! 

Blagger and I, Blogger, live near Winchester in Hampshire. I’m 28 (46 mentally), he’s 42 (18 mentally) – please keep age gap ‘tuts’ and comments to yourselves, we’ve heard it all before. I’m a bookkeeper who wants to be a writer, he’s a HVAC Service Manager who wants to be a professional golfer. I, not we, have a dog – Senna the lurcher, and two horses – Ellie and Tonto. He, not we, has a sofa dent.

As for background; I have lived in the same area nearly all my life, some might see that as a sad situation – to those I, with a warm smile and a look in my eyes of pending attack, say bugger off! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it – I am a country-bird through and through, my personal blog The Country Girl Bible explains it all. Blagger on the other hand – for all his sins – has found himself ‘trapped’ out here amongst the trees, the mud and the Lords and Ladies…because of me! Blagger was born and raised in Portsmouth, of which he is terriblly proud, “We saved the world from German rule”, “play up Pompey”… 

– moving on – 

Being of a seaside disposition, the countryside doesn’t give him that lung-full of salty sea air, seagull ‘song’ or tug-boat bellow to make him feel at home, instead he has to make do with the smell of various animals’ shit, random shotgun fire and crowing pheasants – he refers to them as howler monkeys, I have no idea why! Still, it makes me laugh every time. On the whole (I type, beaming with unnecassary pride) he’s adapted well to country life, mostly he stays indoors to avoid openly laughing at the traditionals with their varying countryside idioms and accents, I appreciate this restraint. He has however been gifted a pair of moleskins by his mother…she’s on the money! When he does brave the great-green-outdoors, fag in mouth, he enjoys the peace and quiet. Plus he’s picking up log stacking brilliantly! 

I digress…

Being from two rather differing backgrounds you wouldn’t really put us together, a dating website would certainly advise other suitors but, as we all know, life and love isn’t about fitting the norm! So, with us weirdos, brought together by the old clichè of ‘we met at work’, you’re going to get both sides of the story with every topic we decide to take on. 

It will certainly be varied and will, most likely, cause a few heated yet funny debates in Chez BB. He loves football, I love F1. I love horses, he loves burgers. He loves the coast, I love the countryside. I love walking, he loves laying. He drinks, I can’t…it’s really quite something to see. One thing we do agree on…I love him, he loves me. 

We can’t promise we’ll be PC. Actually we guarantee we won’t be PC but we’ll always be honest. This is how we really are and how we really feel. You won’t see pouting, #couplegoals bullshit spread all over Social Media which, as Blagger puts it, ‘gives him the shits’ – he does not exist on Social Media, at all. We will not fabricate our lives or edit our opinions to fit in with the blogging scene and we certainly won’t suck up to ghost followers and golden handshakes for exposure. If you’re here, we want you here because you enjoy it, want a laugh or have nothing else to do on a Sunday morning and need to kill a few minutes…maybe whilst on the loo…

If you’re here for a fairytale, idealistic, glittery fix then we graciously ask you to fucking wake up…and to take yourself back to FaceAche or Twatter or Instaglam and look for another blogger more suited to your requirements. This is real life. 

And, with that, you now have the full measure of Blogger and Blagger – real life, belly laughs and copious piss taking.

Like the sound of it? We’ll see you next week!